Friday, March 21, 2008

Online Dating

Okay, so today, for lack of anything better to rant about, I’m going to take a swing at the online dating scene.

There’s one particular site I’ve been using the most frequently over the past 16 months, the infamous “Lavalife.” Now, while in all this time registered on the site, I haven’t necessarily found what I was looking for, it has at least gotten me laid.

Part of the problem with the online dating scene is the only thing you have to go by are personal descriptions, with often start with “I hate these things,” or “I’m no good with these things,” or even “im better ni person beleive me you will like me message me i am worth it.” The last of these three is usually an automatic pass for me.

Then this is often followed by a shopping list of what they want, and what they don’t need, coupled invariably with the lines “I am a working professional who loves my job. I love to laugh. I love life.”

You know what, bitch? You sound boring. Pass. I seriously had to stop myself today from posting the following as my new profile description:

Wow, there sure are a lot “working professionals” on this site who “love their jobs” and “love to laugh” and “don’t like to play games.” Guess what? The vast majority of you are not professionals who actually hate your jobs, jerk me around and lie about your age and weight, posting pictures of yourselves from like five years ago. If I’m describing you, get a life, and get off this site. It’s bad enough that the ratio of guys to girls is already 2 to 1.

It’s funny, because when you think about it, by age 17, women outnumber men. So my question is where the hell are they? They don’t seem to be anywhere. Most of the dating sites I have tried have a ratio of 2 to 1. What the hell is the secret? Where are the chicks?


Unemployed anonymous sexer said...

The funny thing is that the truth won't find you a relation.

Malice Blackheart said...

Sure it will. If you’re honest about who you are, what you look like and what you’re into, though you may be no supermodel or no chief of surgery, if you lie and pretend you are, you set yourself up to fail, when it turns out you’re a barrel shaped plummer. Then you sabotage your chances of meeting a chick who actually wants a sturdy handyman.
The truth doesn’t mean you necessarily come forward and list all your faults either. A lot of people think their faults are a lot worse than they are. But don’t lie about the particulars.
We often like people for their qualities, but love them for their faults. And their qualities. And their sexy butts.

Esmeralda's Foot Lover said...

I concede your point, but only if you didn't list any of your faults. Keeping things really generic. Allowing the online datee to send questions your way. I think all the people on the online dating scenes are all too jaded now that if you did just list nothing but the truth that they would think you were actually padding the truth and that in "real life" you are some bottom of the barrel Quasimodo type.

Malice Blackheart said...

There are things they even lie about that aren't faults. Like lying about your age. There's nothing wrong with being 48, but if you say you're 38, and turn out to be 48, that's no good. Particularly if I also lie about my age, saying I'm 38, when I'm really 28. On paper we're the same age, but in reality... you see the problem?

Incidentally, Esmeralda is hot. Congrats on bagging her as your foot lover.

My humps said...

I hear you on that. They should just call it the world wide web of lies. wwwl.secrets&lies.lies.

If you think that's bad you should check out craigslist. It's a community of pathological liars. I just post nothing but lies on there just to see what kind of response I get. It's a good place to practice online lying.

Lauren Melissa said...

I think you need to lighten up a bit about the whole thing. Eventually you will weed out the liars and find someone worth your time. It's like regular dating, only with a high speed connection.

Might I suggest I've heard good things there.

Good luck!! said...

eharmony only matches you with people who have the same skin tone and hair color. Trust me. If you don't believe it check the commercials.

Malice Blackheart said...

LOL – Dude, if eHarmony truly matches people up by hair and skin color, I gotta get me on there and score me a hot brunette vampire chick to complement my lily-white ass. That would be hot.

And Lauren, you’re right; I need to lighten up, and in fact I should probably just take my mind off it entirely and put it onto other things, like finding work maybe.

spookygreentea said...

Actually, eHarmony is geared towards marriage-oriented individuals.

Also they discriminate against same-sex couples, if only because "it's against the law in the US for them to get married."