Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Feeling Stupid

Okay, so another rant today, about how stupid I am.

I was supposed to have a date today at 11, with a very attractive, very charming woman I mentioned earlier. I got up good and early so I had enough time to make myself look nice and pretty for her. Then I checked the bus schedule, just to make sure I knew what bus to take to arrive on time. So I go outside 9 minutes early, but the bus simply never comes. It was either really early, or it simply broke down or was canceled for some strange reason, which meant I wound up waiting around, waiting for the next one, which came over half an hour later. That meant I was half an hour late.

Standing there at that bus stop for over half an hour made me feel really stupid. I kept asking myself Why didn’t I expect this? Murphy’s Law, anything that can go wrong, will. Why didn’t I walk? It would have taken me less time frankly.

So I get to the coffee show where I was supposed to meet her, and didn’t see her. I described her to the girl at the counter, and she said a woman of that description had been in an hour and a half earlier, which really threw me.

“That doesn’t sound right,” I said, and paid for my coffee, which I can still taste, by the way, almost two hours later. I’d forgotten how much I hate coffee.

So, I sat down and waited, hoping that the coffee vendor was wrong and that perhaps my date had the same trouble with public transportation as I had. (She said she’d be taking the bus too.)

So, now I’m left with all these questions. Was I too late? Was she extremely late? Did she get the time wrong and come way too early? Did she simply stand me up? Does she think I stood her up?

The funny thing is, I was trying to psych myself up to be disappointed, because that way it’s easier, but I didn’t expect to be disappointed by no date at all. I thought I’d at least have a date to talk about on my blog, rather than a missed one.

I’ve never been late for a first date before either, nor have I ever cancelled one or stood someone up. I know better than that. That’s a combination of faux pas if you want a serious chance with her, and evil if you don’t.

And I don’t even know which is worse, facing the fact that I’m the one who screwed it up, or the idea that she wasn’t really serious to being with.

And I’d like to blame our city’s bus system, but truth be told, I should have known better than to trust them. This is the one time I really didn’t want to be late. Again, there’s also a chance that my being late had nothing to do with her not being there, but it gives me one more damn thing to worry,

And now I know the healthiest thing I could do is delve back into my writing, and if she responds to my message, she responds, and if she doesn’t, she doesn’t, but now I feel too stupid, and antsy to write my fantasy novel. I don’t even know how to calm myself down. I feel like I’m ready to run a marathon. Maybe I’ll run it off…

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