Thursday, May 1, 2008

#1: Broke N/A’s Heart

As you might imagine, #1 on my list is pretty special to me. The first thing on my long list of bad actions I’ve done would have to be the one I think about the most often. That being said, I’m not entirely sure what to do about this one. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms, and she severed all communications with me a long time ago. I tried send her a Christmas gift a little over a year ago, (about a $40 gift – a toy I bought from the warehouse I was working at), and she insisted she couldn’t accept it, that I still loved her and she couldn’t return the feelings.

So, what I want to do this time is make it clear that I don’t want her back, but rather, I want to make it up to her.

For a time, I was her dream. She wanted to marry me, and I didn’t realize that until the damage was done. So it stands to reason I should work towards making another one of her dreams come true. Back then, she wanted to be a singer, and a producer, (we even developed a TV series bible together), so that’s a place I could start. Of course, she may want nothing to do with me still, which means I’d have to make it up to her from the shadows. That might require a field trip to Toronto, but that’s fine because I have other items on my list to attend to while I’m there too, so I can do them together.

Apologies are cheap. That’s where I start, but I can’t cross anyone off my list until I’ve really made up for what I’ve done.

2 comments:

Meghan said...

Try sending a facebook msg. It's casual enough that she should read and hear what you have to say...

The man in the iron underwear said...

I think if this is really the #1 thing that you feel bad about, the best thing would be to do it anonymously. Like you said, from the shadows. It seems like she's already dealt with it and she wants to go on. I think revisiting the issue would just hurt her more. Maybe this could be the finale to your list? Something of a Monte Cristoan reveal once all your good work is done?