Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Order of Operations

Throughout my life, I’ve been caging myself by this general sense that I need to progress through things in a linear fashion. And essentially, the way I see my life is this:

I want children, but to have children, I’ll need to provide for them, so I need a career. Also, it goes without saying that I’ll also need a woman, who I won’t be able to attract without my own place. I won’t be able to move out of my own place until I have a job.

Now, there are jobs I could probably get immediately, if I really cared enough, but these jobs are all minimum wage, dead-end jobs, which means they’re basically just a bandaid. This means that sooner or later I’ll have to face getting a real job anyway, or I’ll just wind up as one of those sad old guys that works as a cashier at S-Mart, has a combover, reeks of alcohol, and tries to invite people over to his sketchy little apartment to show them his stamps and bug collection. I’ll be that guy that you never want to babysit your kids, but isn’t qualified to do anything else.

Often when I go to these crappy-job interviews, I’m told I’m overqualified, and they ask me why I don’t find work in my field. The truth is, that’s an excellent question.

Ottawa one of the biggest cities in Canada, sad as that is, but there isn’t a whole lot going on here in my field. It’s all government and high-tech work, and while in theory, the government is running its post-graduate recruitment program, and I’m applying for all kinds of positions, I’m not seeing any results. And at this point, I don’t expect to see any, and I’m not sure I really care anyway.

So, back to the true spirit of the “order of operations,” if I really want to work in my field, I have to go where the work is. The best work is in L.A. Another country entirely. And in L.A. you have to drive. So if I want to find work in L.A., I’ll need to get my license. It’s a real deal-breaker in the industry not to have one.

So for years now I’ve been telling myself I have to get it. And you know what stupid-ass reason was stopping me? I thought, “what if I flunk the eye test?” So I figured if I were to get my license, I’d need glasses. Anyway, it turns out my vision really is good enough for driving, and that my glasses don’t improve my vision by enough to warrant the $450 bucks I’m out for them now. But at least I got that step out of the way.

So today, finally, I decided that damn it, I’m getting my G1 today. But now it seems I can’t find my passport, which I need. So if I want to find it, I have to tidy my room. Ugh. And maybe throw a bunch of things away.

Also, if I’m to move to another country to work, I’m going to need a work visa, and I won’t lie to you, I haven’t the slightest clue how to go about getting one.

Among other things, in my room I’ve found nearly a dozen bank statements, (I’ve really gotta cancel those), a Rubik’s cube, (which I bought two years ago and still haven’t solved), and three condoms, which expire in 2010. If those expire before I have a chance to use them, I’m going to be very depressed.

Still no sign of my passport, which I stupidly did not put in its usual place. On the plus side, my desk looks a lot nicer.


study for your testicles said...

You need a passport to get a G1? Double you tee eff?
But anyways: Canada is rife with huge subsidies for the movie and tv(and other) industries. As if you aren't totally pummeling those like a rabid sex crazed baboon?
Why not ask your parents to invest in your new Scriptwriting shop? Make it as legit as you want then ching ching ching cash in!
My personal favorite: The born-again Jew second bar mitzvah! You are an atheist after all... Is there even such a thing as a born-again Jew or did Jesus ruin for everyone?
But anyways: life isn't linear so it doesn't make sense to have linear plans. I find life is like a real asshole of a friend. It waits until there's a big choice to make then it gives you lots of them to make at the same time, but you can only choose one... I don't see how that applies to the "asshole of a friend" comparison but I really don't care enough to make sense or even seem plausible.
Want kids? Knock a chick up. Want a job? Take one. Want your own place? Sue the government.
If you're considering moving to another country, I suggest you do it as a long term tourist, say 6-9 months or so. Unless you plan on staying there for a long time and getting your life going there.
The most important thing though is don't worry about it. Worrying is like unnecessarily poking yourself in the eye. Sure you've got bills to pay, but now your eye hurts too.

Malice Blackheart said...

I need some form of ID to get my license, but I'll use a copy of my birth certificate.

Knock up a chick. Ha! Easier said than done, my friend. First I have to find one who will let me touch her, and second I have to be able to maintain an erection around her. Apparently that's a rather tall order.

You're right, Canada is rife with huge subsidies for all the terrible works that no one would ever be willing pay money to see. So the government makes us pay money for them. Ugh. Makes me sick!

Hold on hold on hold on said...

Hold on hold on hold on...
"maintain an erection"? Maybe there's some other issue going on. You should go in to have that checked. It could be physical or physiological.

Or did you mean find an attractive enough woman that would let you touch her?
If it's the former then that could be the main reason for your dating woes?
If it's the latter, I hears ya!
Sometimes though we get hooked on the whole looks before we check the personality. Fronts crumble but the foundation stays there a long time.

As for the government rant: Socialists! After having spent some time outside of Canada, I'm not always agreeing with the way things are run. The healthcare system for one thing. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be universal but a mix of universal as well as private practice should be allowed. As for the film and music industry, I think it creates something of a crutch and subsidizes the industry which could lead to retaliatory action from outside consumers. If I knew that taxes I had paid would help bands like Barenaked Ladies I would have fomented some sort of sexual uprising.