Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Black to School

Hello everybody, and welcome back to Malice Blackheart’s magic bag of thoughts, rants, and other assorted non-continuous awesomeness, and other boring personal stuff.

I realize that I’ve been away for… awhile now… How long has it been, let me check…

Six weeks? Unbelievable! I feel like my blogging muscle is… getting cramps… most… gratuitous… amount… of… ellipses… ever…

You’d hardly know that I’ve written three term papers already.

I think it would be really awesome to be part of a comedy troupe. Come on, Ema, we haven’t shot any films in like a year. You’re still in film studies, right? Wouldn’t it make sense to make some films?

All hail, the king of non-sequiturs has spoken.

Still with me?

So, here’s what I’ve been doing for the past six weeks; I’ve enrolled myself into university. Again. And I’m doing another B.A., this time in English. Why on Earth, at 28, would I go back for another B.A.? Well, let’s be honest, I haven’t exactly been “Joe Successful” over the past ten years, or even “Joe Crappyjob” or even “Joe Doesn’t-Still-Live-With-His-Parents.” So, why? That’s why. The plan is to acquire teachable subjects, or “teachables,” and become a high-school teacher of English and Drama. Or some other kind of teacher at some other level. Who knows?

I ran into one of my old college friends on campus. She’s doing a B.A. in mass communications apparently. I’ll just call her Fatlip. So I tell Fatlip I’m doing a second B.A. and she says to me all sarcastic-like “Yeah, that’s a very intelligent way to do it, Mal.” And I was like “Shut-up, you… sss… s-stupid. You’re too dumb to mean that. Remember when you told me I should take up smoking to relieve stress? You’re fulla crap, Fatlip, and that’s why I don’t have to listen to you.” Then I gave her a wedgie and ran away. Yup, university, I’m back.

Now I’m reading lots of classical English literature, pretending to understand it, surrounded by stunning young hotties, trying not to get too distracted. And did I tell you? No of course I didn’t, but I’m going to. I’m studying JAPANESE! I’m applying to various cooperative agencies to teach my mother tongue in J-Pan! The language itself is pretty easy once you get the hang of it. You just have to remember to say please (“onegaishimasu”) and thank you (“arigato”), and call everyone sir (“_san”). Check this out:

はじめまして どうぞよろしく。

Hajime mashite douzo yoroshiku.

Nice to meet you. (Polite form)

わたしのまえは ブラークハート です。

Watshi no maewa “Buraakuhaato” desu.

My name is “Blackheart.”

Yup, I’m gonna be picking up Japanese hotties in no time. And by “no time,” I mean literally never, at no time will I ever pick up a Japanese hottie. Ever. I’d probably try and epic fail miserably. I’d probably proposition her and she’d just stand and stare with her mouth agape, finally telling me how completely rude I just was. And I’d smack my forehead, remembering that I forgot to say please. “Would you sleep with me, hottie-san, onegaishimasu?” Then I bet she’d be impressed.

Ah yes, the many loves and sexual harassment suits that await me in the land of the rising sun. I can hardly wait.

I will try to be good and post more often. I promise.

5 comments:

Dannyboy said...

Good luck with the Japanese. It actually sounds to be a really interesting language once you get into it. And English literature - what a contrast! Spiced up, as it evidently is, by all those "stunning young hotties". Yep, I am envious - your appreciation of them is far more .. acute by 28 than at 18!

Dannyboy said...

Good luck with the Japanese. It actually sounds to be a really interesting language once you get into it. And English literature - what a contrast! Spiced up, as it evidently is, by all those "stunning young hotties". Yep, I am envious - your appreciation of them is far more .. acute by 28 than at 18!

spookygreentea said...

Hey Bro!! One teeny mistake. Make that "namae" and yer cruisin'!!

Inkpot said...

Wow! Wow oh wow Mal! You go quiet for a couple of weeks and come back to say you are studying not one but TWO subjects. I am so impressed! Best of luck with it, particularly with the Japanese hotties. I look forward to more updates on how campus life is going. :D

Malice Blackheart said...

Well put, Dannyboy. My appreciation for them certainly does seem more acute. Not to say lecherous or lustful. And thanks for visiting my blog.

And thank you Inkpot for remembering me after all this time. I am having quite a good time, and I've got a fairly sizable update on the actual Japanese progress tomorrow. Just after I write that... ugh... test.

And thank YOU sis, for correcting me. People are always happy when they're corrected.