Sunday, February 8, 2009

Scarlet and the Poison Blog

I went on a date yesterday, that wasn’t really a date. We went on a few dates in the past, and then she told me that *I* didn’t seem interested in *her*, so I just gave up. I couldn’t quite get my head around arguing with that. And since generally I assume any kind of negative answer actually means that *she’s* not interested in *me*, I gave up. I figured that she was trying in some strange way to be nice about, to make it seem as though us not seeing one another was my idea.

So later, I ranted about it in my blog, clearly having completely forgotten I’d told her about it. When I look back on it, I should have known, because usually, I blog about the dates I have, and there was empty space where her entries should be.

Anyway, I already wrote a poem about this, but in a nutshell, she read it, (oops), and we started talking again. It was apparent that we both still liked each other. “Liked” is the keyword here, because it isn’t clear that it will ever be anything more.

On Thursday, I asked her out again, and her answer was “I don’t know. I read your blog.” This matches the first response I got from Nurse Betty verbatim. And I just thought to myself, “Okay, that’s it. I’ve had it. No more telling the women that I’m interested in about my blog.” While I enjoy my blog, as presumably do you, my reader(s), it has had a tendency to poison my chances with any woman that reads it.

Scarlet doesn’t believe me when I say I’m interested in her, because I still talk about Betty. She thinks that I’m desperate and that I’d go out with just about anybody. I’m not convinced we share the same definition of desperate. The fact that I’m looking for a girlfriend does not make me desperate, or if it does, then I know an awful lot of desperate people. A lot of lonely people too. And since I know you’re reading this, I might as well address you in first person.

Yes, I’m interested in finding a girlfriend, and yes, I’ve tried my luck with several others before you. Yes, I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time, and yes, I still miss my ex tremendously. Yes, I still *like* Betty. I want to talk to her again. I want her to be my friend like before, because there really aren’t so many people whose company I enjoy quite as much as hers, and fewer still who like sushi as much as I do. You’d think more people would like sushi. Yes, I fell very hard for her, but that was after you turned me down. Yes, I don’t know everything about you. How well is well-enough? How do you know I don’t already know enough to be interested? Yes, I’m impatient. Yes, I’m using the word ‘yes’ too much, and yes, I’m interested in you.

I think you’re smart, I think you’re pretty, I think you’re fun to be with, and if you give me excuses, I can only conclude that you don’t feel the same way about me. And that’s fine. But don’t tell me I’m desperate, and don’t tell me I’m not interested in you, because I may be no genius, but I’m not stupid.

1 comment:

Inkpot said...

Oh dear Mal, I hate to see you call this your poison blog. One of the things I love about your blog is how you share your heart with your readers and you write such beautiful things about women. I guess it is hard for some people to understand. Maybe if I were in the same position as Scarlet or Betty I would find it hard too, I don't know. I hope not. You write with such truth, such honesty and, on occassion, with such beauty that I find it hard that people who know you in a non blog sense are put off when they find your blog. Perhaps it is the truth and beauty of it that puts them off. I don't know. I like to consider my blog represents my true self and I know some people who when they read it said that they had seen me in a whole different light (they didn't elaborate on whether it was a good light or a bad light). I think the fact is that neither of these women are right for you and if your blog helped you find that out early, it is a good thing. Of course, that doesn't help when you have fallen hard for someone and really like them. Good luck Mal, whether you change the blog or just decide not to tell people about it. You deserve happiness.(sorry for the long comment)