Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Not Your Problem

I tried to save a bird today. I think.

But first, a little update.

I had last week off school, and with all that spare time, naturally, I did no work. I’m now weeks behind on my readings, and as terrible as it sounds, I’m going to try to catch up on them by watching the movie version, and reading what Wikipedia has to say about them, which usually, isn’t much. I know it seems like I’m cheating, but, well, the only person I’m really cheating is myself, and anyway, at least I’m being honest.

It’s not like I did nothing at all. I participated in two gaming sessions with Ema, and as a result, am chipping away on a post-apocalyptic fantasy story, that so far, I’m actually rather pleased with. It’s being written according to what we do on the campaign, but it isn’t simply a journal of our adventures. It’s a gothic tale about light and dark characters grappling with the demons of the world, and their own demons too.

I’ve also been a little more proactive on the dating circuit. I’ve been in touch with a few women in the last little while who seem quite nice, and oddly, find me quite nice too. I’ve only had one actual date recently, but I’m hoping on two more soon. One of these women I’m waiting on is a PSW who works with kids with autism. I’m going to call her Rose because of a charming little photo she has on her profile, of her smiling, with a rose in her mouth. And for the past week or so, I’ve just been gushing over her. I’ve also been thinking about doing some volunteer work, but not for companies, and not with the hope of finding work either. That’s not part of my dream – it’s part of the typified American dream, that my parents, uncles, etc. have been trying to ram down my throat. I know I don’t fit in, but I’ve been working on it. Anyway, I’m interested in volunteer somewhere where I can actually help people. That’s it. I don’t fancy working for low wages at a company that shells out toys to already spoiled children. I want to be on the other side of that. And I have a few ideas, but I’m not going to get into them right now either.

I saw Parasite Eve for the first time in about two weeks. To be honest I’ve been trying to distance myself since she disappeared from my facebook list. Completely. I thought for awhile that she may have somehow found my blog, read it, and become thoroughly creeped out. Then again, maybe that was a very egotistical assumption on my part. Her account resurfaced the other day with her saying “I hate facebook!” and promptly disappearing again perhaps a day later. So I gather there’s a larger issue at hand than just me. When I spoke to her today she seemed distant – sad. I asked what she’d been up to over the break and she said. “nothing.” As stimulating as the following conversation might have been, I opted to lag behind in the hall, getting a drink of water, and go talk to a girl that was cuter and a little more upbeat anyway. It’s not like she waited anyway. I spoke to that other girl for about ten minutes about, you know, the usual absurdity of not knowing what the hell to do with our lives, and studying English, of all things.

Then I passed Parasite Eve again, just sitting on a bench outside. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. And that’s when it hit me. Whenever I see a sight like that, there’s a little voice in my head that says “not your problem.” But I hate that voice. So I asked if she was all right. I asked if she wanted company, but she said it was okay, and I just left. I was somehow reminded of Nurse Betty, and how as much as I wanted to help with, whatever it was, that what she probably just wanted was for me to go away. So I did. After all, it wasn’t really my problem.

Then after class, I found a small sparrow fluttering around the main foyer of the building. As the other students just ignored it, and as the voice in my head once again said “not your problem,” I peered around to try to solve this little puzzle before me. Another sparrow fluttered around outside (the foyer is completely surrounded by glass doors, which seemed terribly confusing for the trapped bird,) as if it were also trying to solve the problem to get its friend out. The doors don’t hold themselves open, so I looked around to prop one of them open. The only thing available was a large trash can, so I dragged that over to hold one of the doors open and then tried to usher the bird over, but then I gave up and left. I figured it was likelier to leave without me there anyway, (again, just waiting for me to leave), and I said to myself, “well, I did my part.”

Well, that’s my anecdote for the day. I’m not entirely sure I can give you a definitive point, but if you want to derive one from it yourself, by all means, feel free, because now, it’s not my problem.


Shadowthorne said...

Heh.... the entry was long but a bit pointless (for me). But you do whatever you want in your own blog, right? :)

I think Parasite Eve had a big problem with her handsome boyfriend. If I were you, I'd sneak in her miserable life and 'needle' her. The term 'needle' is used here to describe the act of artful persuasion.

Well, not my problem anyway. You want her, go get her tiger. :)

Malice Blackheart said...

I think you may be right, my friend, I think there may be trouble in paradise. But I'm not sure I want her anymore. I just get this weird uninviting vibe from her, and anyway, I'm dead gone on Rose. Of course, I haven't actually met her yet, in person, but she's very warm. I probably sound like a big pussy, don't I?