Sunday, June 20, 2010

E-Mails You Should Never Send #2

Ever get an e-mail from someone, and just think, “bitch, think before you send hate to people.” Well my auntie Flo does that to me every now and again. I thought she was the only bitch in my life until Ema showed me an e-mail from The Hamburglar. (It was a toss-up between Hamburglar and Clambuglar, but I chose the former because I can’t imagine this douche ever getting laid, even by Grimace’s ailing grandma.) Anyway, he’s the manager at the cinema I work for. He noticed that my friends all seemed to have one free movie pass. When he said those passes were for the businesses in my district, I told him I always give them to these businesses. When he asked how my friends got them, I told him I gave them to them. He told me not to do that, and I was fine with it. I was under the impression the actual owner told me they were to be given to the employees at these businesses, and then any extra can go to anyone else I want to recommend this theatre to. Anyway, he told me to bring the extras back to him when I’m done distributing for the month, and I was fine with that.

Ema Nymton, however, was not. You see, when The Hamburglar took me aside to speak to me, he also included Ema, his girlfriend, and another friend we often go with. I thought The Hamburglar’s behaviour was fine, and I thought he brought up an important point, assuming good faith on my part, as a good manager ought to. I’d never have thought this a problem, but apparently I’m very naïve. Ema sent him an e-mail about it, because he found the whole system of free passes a little confusing too. Here’s the exchange: (with Ema’s permission of course!) The names have been changes to protect the innocent (and the asshole)


Hey HB,
After you spoke to Malice this evening about not giving out the free passes to our friends, it occurred to me that no official policy has ever been given as to who we can and can't give the passes to. After I gave one of my passes to [my friend], Lee did tell me that I should make sure to give them out to people around [campus], but he never really specified who (as I mentioned, I've just been giving them to the work study students in the Audio Visual Resource Centre). Maybe it would be beneficial to you guys (and us guide distributors) if you made a clear list of who should get the free passes, if only to reduce any confusion as to what groups are a-o-k and which are off-limits. I know that you have also mentioned in the past that ideally the passes should be given out to non-members, but Mayfair membership isn't something that one can tell at a glance. I think that the free passes are a great way to market the Mayfair, but since they cost you guys in terms of ticket sales, maybe there should be clearer (or just more) restrictions surrounding them. Maybe only you guys should be able to give them out? I'm just spitballing here.
Anyway, it was a thought I had. Kick-Ass was great! I look forward to the secret VHS sunday movie!

Ema Nymton


dude - i'm sorry, but your email is bullshit.

malice lied to my face tonight right in front of you, if you care to remember or not. in one breath, he says to me (and i quote) "i only give the passes to the stores where i drop off guides"... and then i say, "well, how did your friends get these passes?"... and then he says "i gave them to 'em".

so, if malice already knows our policy and you already know our policy (after lee spoke to you in the past), could you please explain the point to your passive aggressive email... you know... beside pissing me off?


I keep rereading this email over, and every time there’s something new about it that strikes me as odd. Let’s see how long this list gets.

1. I think Ema was nothing but polite, and if only he’d simply ignored the e-mail, it probably would have been fine. As it stands, he’s declared a fuck you to two people in one e-mail, and sign that, much to the contrary of my initial impression, he did not assume good faith on anyone’s part, even though.
2. My initial thought was “misdirected anger”
3. When he says “(and i quote),” he’s simply lying and completely misquoting me, to make it sound like I’m the liar. That’s personal, buddy. If I wanted to lie to you, I could have, and I’m deeply insulted that you would insinuate that I would even need to bother lying to the likes of you.
4. I think another sign of mental illness is never using capitals. Yes, even in an e-mail, but I admit am a bit of a grammar-Nazi. At least it wasn’t ALL CAPS.
5. When he says “if malice already knows our policy and you already know our policy” he insinuates that either one of us has any idea what his policy is, when by the way, isn’t really his policy, and at this point, is convoluded as all hell, because not only am I getting mixed messages from different higher-ups, but I’m getting mixed messages from him. In person, I had no idea how hateful The Hamburglar really was.
6. He called my friend “passive aggressive” for expressing genuine concern.
7. He’s basically saying ‘shut-up. You know the rules. No giving passes to friends. Designated people only.’ Except it isn’t all clear who is or isn’t designated – for instance, a number of my friends actually do, in fact, work for these designated business, and I do, in fact, sometimes show up together with them. It didn’t even occur to him that these friends of mine might work at some of these places. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was a liar and a cheat.
8. Any response that starts with the word “dude” proves you’re being an asshole, especially when the last word of the first line is “bullshit”

That’s eight things already, and it’s only eight lines long. I honestly feel like a loser for dwelling on it so long. Next time I see him, I’m going to ask the Hamburglar if he has anything he’d like to say to me. Because I don’t like being called a liar, especially by someone who doesn’t have the courage to say it to my face. I thought everything was fine when I left! He’s the liar, pretending like everything is cool! Now I’m half expecting to see him lurking in the shadows outside my house. This is psychopath behaviour.

I also noticed, after I left the Mayfair, that he’d obviously waited through the entire movie just to ask me that on my way out. It wasn’t just an afterthought. He was waiting there for me. That did, in fact, set off a silent alarm in my head. I just didn’t know what it meant. Now I do.

The problem with this sort of, (dare I say it?), “passive aggressive” behaviour, is that, well, first of all, I had no problem with this guy before that night. Even when he took me aside and told me to bring the extra passes back to him, I was fine with that. But then he later showed his true colors to Ema, and I think they’re as ugly as all the colors of the puke rainbow. (Sorry if that analogy doesn’t quite work, but I made it up for just this instance.)

I think he owes my friend an apology, don’t you agree?


Ema Nymton said...

What stuck me most about the e-mail was how unprofessional it is. Even if he thought I was totally in the wrong, there was no need to address me the way that he did. He's supposed to be a representative of the theatre, and his actions should reflect the attitude of the business.

spookygreentea said...

Hamburglar's behaviour is ridiculous.

And, in fact, three of the people you brought with you (myself, Sar and Ali) all work/worked at businesses that got free Mayfair passes as it is.

Ema's email WAS nothing but courteous; HB is the one who's made the misstep. I'd say you deserve an apology.

Malice Blackheart said...

That is VERY interesting, sis. It means that all the passes I gave out were actually given to the RIGHT PEOPLE. It means that even if I knew the proper protocol, I would STILL have been in the right.

This whole situation reeks of irony, because while that Turdburglar was trying to make-up $27, (which was actually $0), now they're likely going to lose hundreds of dollars because of all my friends who won't feel like going anymore.

My parents ALWAYS paid, even though they thought they could have passes. Now they won't. My mom is LIVID. She hates people that treat others like this. She says they're inexperienced business owners.

I got a response from Lee, by the way, Ema. (I'm not even going to bother concealing who he is anymore.) It was not very nice. I'll tell you about it soon.