Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Second Guessing

I keep clicking your facebook page, I’m sorry, I can’t stop.
But you keep drifting through my mind, and rising to it’s top.
I know it’s not my business and I shouldn’t get frustrated,
By the way “in a relationship” becomes “it’s complicated.”

I’ve sent you a few messages to see if you’re okay,
But now I see his comment, and I fear he’s back to stay.
Now I’m second guessing every little clue I see,
Which I’ve been doing all along, with ev’ry you and me.

Even if I’m eloquent, appreciative and witty,
My words just get eclipsed by his, “oh hey, you look so pretty.”
It’s disgusting, it’s barbaric, it’s an outrage and a sin,
That with these shallow words of his, he’s back under your skin.

He stays away from you too long. He clearly won’t commit,
He’d have wed you long ago, had he thought you were fit.
He’s stringing you along and never making you his wife.
Can’t you see he’s chewing up the best years of your life?

You say he has no boundaries, with the women that he meets,
How long until he breaks your heart? How long until he cheats?
By your admission, you confess you’re crying all the while,
With your permission, I would give my life to make you smile.

But I’m not one to open wounds, or make unfair demands,
I merely think that you deserve someone who understands.
And though it breaks my heart to well these feelings up inside,
It’s not my place to tell you now; alone I must abide.

I made a rule about this, and it’s one I plan to keep.
For he who steals a girlfriend is a lecher and a creep.
How can I expect to keep a love that I have stolen?
Even if he makes you cry until your eyes are swollen.

I know you’re tired, I know you’re sad, I know you must be scared.
I know this handsome engineer has got your heart ensnared.
I know that you don’t make the rules, I know that love is blind,
But I’ll be here for you in case you ever change your mind.

4 comments:

Inkpot said...

Oh Mal, you make me want to write poetry because your poems are so good and heart felt and sad. What can you do in this situation? Unfortunately nothing, just sit back and wait and see what happens. I hope she doesn't take him back - for your sake, and her sake and his sake too as it might teach him a lesson. I hope she realises she is worth more than to be treated badly by this waster. I hope she kicks him to the curb and, after an appropriate time of mourning she looks around and sees the diamond who is waiting for her. Most of all, I wish you happiness in whatever form it takes for you Mal.

Anonymous said...

Lovely poem, can't believe you kept the rhyming scheme so well. BUT she's an idiot, move on and find a girl who will love you.

Younghee-jin said...

When I saw the first line, it quickly told me that I need to see it. So I did, and I don't regret reading it.
I don't know why, but in little ways I can relate. She's lucky to have you. Don't forget about yourself, and consider what you feel and what you should have. I say that as a friend. Good luck.

Malice Blackheart said...

This is an answer to that anonymous comment:

I didn’t want to say anything before. I just didn’t want to deal with it. But it’s been bothering me. Now I’m choosing to say something because it bothered her. She read that you see, and though I think she’s more upset with me because she feels my blogging about her is a violation of confidence, she also complained specifically about that comment. I just hope you’re not someone I actually know.

This is the poem I chose to send her, to tell her my feelings. And then this comment showed up. This is sort of like dropping a turd in someone’s birthday cake.

Even if she’d never consider dating me in a hundred years, I’d never think she was an idiot. No one is an idiot for sticking by the one they love. If she’s an idiot, so am I.