Way back in high school, there was a girl who studied ballet, and I had a huge crush on her. She was extremely sweet, and almost nobody understood her, but I felt that I did. I told her how I felt about her, but she said she didn’t feel that way towards me, so that was that.
Now let’s cut to five years later. I’m 21. She and I had remained friends over the years, and at that point she’d started trying to spend more time with me. I hadn’t quite noticed though, because by this point I really didn’t care. But one day I was sitting in a pub having a drink with Spike, and Ballet Girl asked me where I’d been. Apparently I’d missed a date with her, and she felt very hurt by this. I told her I’d merely forgotten, which is a lame excuse anyway, but it was the truth.
She later told me the reason she found this so troubling was that she decided after all that she was interested in me.
And so, I mistakenly figured that since I wanted her five years ago, I must still want her now.
On the next date, she got kind of frisky and thought she’d play footsies with my under the table. Now, while this can be fun enough at restaurants with tablecloths, this wasn’t one of them, and Spike was sitting with us. Spike left, even though I didn’t actually want him to.
She and I went back to place, where she kept trying to get both of us completely undressed, while lipsyncing to various MP3’s – none of which did much to turn me on, and I didn’t want to do anything with my parents and sister home.
This actually brings up a separate issue – which is the stupidity of my parents barging into my room while I’m in there with a girl. But I got used to the idea that I couldn’t stop them, so I decided it best not to fool around while they were home.
In any event, I found everything about her behavior to be simply wrong for me. I’m shy about being physical, she’s, well, whatever the exact opposite of shy is. No shame at all. Anyway, I called it a night, and I walked her home.
Then, finally, with no knowledge of what to do about this relationship I’d gotten myself into, I proceeded not to call her for 3 or 4 months.
I just could shake the willies I got about being with her physically. It felt like playing with a pre-teen in a twenty-year-old’s body, and that totally turns me off. She hadn’t changed since high school, possibly because of drug use, but there may be other factors. In any event, I’m quite ashamed of how I handled this in retrospect, because though she may not be very bright, she is certainly one of the sweetest people I know.